Run, Dad, run!

Zach was insistent 'bout the sign.

Around mile 18.

Many Daspits gathered at the finish line.

Our friend Emily ran too!!

Eli stretching his feet too.

The boys showing off Dad's medal.

Eli's Latest Picks

Here's a couple of Eli's favorite books right now! He is really enjoying longer stories and I love how he picks the same stories over and over again ... even from the library. Eli knows all the modes of transportation because of Choo Choo Clickety-Clack. He loves finding each vehicle in the big picture of the city on the last page.

He's really been taken by Elmer and the Lost Teddy. After his pacifier i.e. "pah-pah" got lost, he hadn't really replaced it with anything. He was given a glowing seahorse for Christmas and it's become his sleeping security item, not that he really needed one. He told me today that if it gets lost, we're going to have to find it. He's planning to take it to Mimie's house this weekend for a sleepover with his cousin. Also, Elmer helps find his friend's lost teddy with the help of his cousin, Wilbur. As Eli's relationship with his younger cousin Clay deepens, it's fun to read a story about cousins adventuring together. Eli declared that Clay is Elmer and he is Wilbur in the story. I love children's books.

Dancing Feet! is a great book for guessing animals on the next page, much like Whose Nose and Toes? by John Butler. While Butler's book can be read to a young baby, Craig's is like one more step in the journey to literacy with rhyming lyrics. Of course, for my movin and groovin littlest man, he loves to think of his feet as "dancing" always.

Anyone have a couple favs to share for pre-readers or early readers?

Unlearning

I have so many thoughts. So many things to share. My journal shows it. My heart is full of God's goodness and grace. I want the energy to write here. He has placed me on a unique journey that I pray constantly for the courage to keep walking forward and not seek to control the circumstances, events, and people that come in my path. For the first time in my life, I surrender my desire to see the picture of the rest of my life. I long to trust Him wholly and completely with me. I am willing to go where I would rather not go.

Henri Nouwen expresses it this way, The way of the Christian leader is not the way of upward mobility in which our world has invested so much, but the way of downward mobility ending on the cross ... powerlessness and humility in the spiritual life do not refer to people who have no spine and who let everyone make decisions for them.


They refer to people who are so deeply in love with Jesus that they are ready to follow him wherever he guides them, always trusting that, with him, they will find life and find it abundantly.


Oswald Chambers writes, It is not true to say that God wants to teach us something in our trials. Through every cloud He brings our way, He wants us to unlearn something. His purpose in using the cloud is to simplify our beliefs until our relationship with Him is exactly like that of a child--a relationship simply between God and our souls, and where other people are but shadows. Until other people become shadows to us, clouds and darkness will be ours every once in awhile. Is our relationship with God becoming more simple than it has ever been? . . . Until we come face to face with the deepest, darkest fact of life without damaging our view of God's character, we do not yet know Him.


I love this journey. It's hard. It's aggravating. It's rewarding. It's becoming a little more simple.

*Quotes are taken from Daily Offices: Remembering God's Presence Throughout the Day by Pete Scazzero, Willow Creek, 2008.

Healing is in Your Hands

Need a reminder of God's love for YOU? Just discovered this song. Wow!
"...now by Your grace I stand ..." Amen.

Patient Trust

I have found myself so frustrated with many new beginnings in several areas of my life. While God is working and moving, my achiever personality wants to be complete with the task at hand. Naturally, I don't always enjoy the "process". I read the excerpt below in Pete Scazzero's Daily Offices: Remembering God's Presence Throughout the Day this morning. These words were a gift from God ... another layer revealed in my struggle to grow in grace as I long to be more like Him and understand me a bit more. I am recognizing how necessary it is to celebrate the growth up until today instead of continually pushing ahead to "force" more growth somehow. Impatience in the process and desire to control was a new connection to me. Very grateful for His patience with me while I seek His presence in my incomplete place.

Scripture Reading: Genesis 12:1-3

Devotional

The image of the Christian life as a journey captures our experience of following Christ like few others. Journeys involve movement, action, stops and starts, detours, delays, and trips into the unknown. God called Abraham to leave his comfortable life in Ur at the age of seventy-five and to embark on a long, slow journey; a journey with God that would require much patient trust.

Patient Trust

Above all, trust in the slow work of God.

We are quite naturally impatient in everything 

to reach the end without delay.

We should like to skip the intermediate stages.

We are impatient of being on the way to something

unknown, something new.

And yet it is the law of all progress 

that it is made by passing through

some stages of instability--

and that it may take a very long time.

And so I think it is with you;

your ideas mature gradually -- let them grow,

let them shape themselves without undue haste.

Don't try to force them on,

as though you could be today what time

(that is to say, grace and circumstances

acting on your own good will)

will make of you tomorrow.

Only God could say what this new spirit 

gradually forming within you will be.

Give our Lord the benefit of believing 

that his hand is leading you.

And accept the anxiety of feeling yourself

in suspense and incomplete.

by Pierre Teilhard De Chardin

Question to Ponder: What does it mean for you to trust in the slow work of God today?

Prayer: Grant me courage, Father, to embark on the unique journey you have crafted for me. By faith, I surrender my need and desire to be in control of every event, circumstance, person I will meet today. In Jesus' name, amen.

December highlights

Life is often too full to update the blog ... and I'm learning to be well-acquainted with the "you just had to be there" kind of attitude. It all can't and won't be captured, but here's an attempt at catching up a bit for family that check this page often.

Sam turned 7 ... with a superhero party in City Park. It was a beautiful day in the middle of many cold ones. We enjoyed celebrating with family and old and new friends. The pic above is Doug coaching the superheroes in their quest to defeat the "bad guys" they would find on the other side of the bridge. They were armed with their special superpowers represented by silly string. ;)  We are so proud of Sam! He's pretty excited about his new bike and learning to ride it without the extra wheels.

Doug and I chaperoned a school-wide Morris Jeff field trip to see the Nutcracker. It was just the beginning of this year's holiday memories to treasure. Sam and Zach picked out a nutcracker ornament for our tree to remember it.

Just last week, we were given sweet last-minute tickets to see the Hornets in the New Orleans Arena. It proved to be an exciting game ... their biggest comeback in franchise history. It was Eli's first professional sporting event. He loved it and held onto his ticket until halftime. We had previously planned to see the Hornets play over holiday break, so it was a special treat to see two games in two weeks. Our second game happened to be on the night of "Holiday in the Hive" and there were tons of extra activities set up around the concourse for kids to enjoy. While Sam and Eli were entertained by the game from our balcony seats, Zach was more than happy to make an ornament, decorate a cookie, see Santa, etc. Everyone enjoyed the bag of popcorn even tho the game itself wasn't as exciting as the previous one. We were some of the first to enter the Arena so each of the boys have a new "Hugo" ornament to add to their collection.

 

The "Kaboom playground" was a BIG day for our family. We were all excited to help build a new playground in Gentilly with friends from here and far. I helped pickup lunch for the 225+ volunteers. Sam and Eli were happy to take a break from the cold to join me on one of the trips. Zach enjoyed painting a placard that hangs at the corner of the shade structure. He is the most artsy of our three right now. We are still waiting for the flooring to be finished so that we can actually play on it. It should be ready tomorrow! I'm especially excited to have a quick stop in Gentilly to burn off some energy on our days in the community. Eli and I seem to have a bit of time here and there in our regular schedule to either pop in on a friend or family member in Gentilly or stop by a coffee shop for a cafe mocha and muffin. So nice to have another option!

On Sunday night, we enjoyed the Christmas lights of Al Copeland now on display in Lafreniere Park in Metairie with Doug's family that lives here. It was nice to be outdoors on a brisk winter-ish night sipping on hot cocoa, snacking on popcorn, riding the carousel, and relaxing in the middle of a busy time of year.

This week has been blissful with everyone out of school ... it's a new thing for our family to experience these kinds of breaks in a different kind of way. Last year we found ourselves travelling all over the US (seemingly) over the holidays, and this year we get to stay put for the entire 2 and half week holiday break. I'm very grateful, especially since our normal schedule puts us in the car an awful lot more than last year or any previous year. May sound cheesy, but it really is good to be home for the holidays! Merry Christmas to everyone and many blessings in 2011.

A Certain Sadness

Children are a gift from God. There is something sacred about the moments when a child is born, especially one of our own. The stories of my children's births are so special and close to my heart. Each was a culmination of anticipation and expectation of "our new family". Many joyful, beautiful moments ... thankful to have my body to myself again, enamored by the little piece of creation in my arms, and occupied by dreams of what the "new family" would look like with this key person in it.

But not all of my births felt that way. It's no secret that we lost Hannah Grace at 16 weeks of pregnancy in January 2007. That day was marked by new pain that is still difficult to describe and feel, helpless trust in our heavenly Father to care for her in a way we never could, and honest questions about what our "new family" would look like withOUT this key person in it. How would her absence change us?

To reminisce, I learned that I was pregnant in 2006 just days before my 32nd birthday and found myself that very weekend at a women's retreat grappling with the reality of a new addition to our family. As I grew comfortable with the idea of three children in three and a half years, I was confident that this little one was uniquely planned by Him. Everything from my obstetrician seemed right on and very comparable with my previous two pregnancies. As the weeks ticked away, we planned our announcement. Over Thanksgiving, our families found out in unique ways. Since we were in the midst of limitations of medical care post-Katrina, our first ultrasound was scheduled for 14 weeks, the day after Christmas. With two exceptionally healthy pregnancies under our belts, "something wrong" wasn't even on our radar. When the ultrasound revealed a certain future death in my womb because of a common genetic abnormality, we were stopped dead in our tracks. God's grace allowed us to wait two more weeks until we would say "good-bye" forever to our teeny-tiny daughter on January 10, 2007.

And so, every year from about October 25 until December 25, I relive the memories and milestones that make up the happiest moments of Hannah as a member of our family. With it comes a certain sadness and wandering thoughts of doubt and wonder, but also a certain affirmation of my complete trust in God ... with all the details of my life including the number in our family and the number of days we enjoy together. Very grateful.

Celebrating a "last"

For some apparent reason, I felt compelled to take a pic of Eli napping on Friday afternoon. Yesterday morning, he misplaced his beloved pah-pah (pacifier). So, it was off to nap w/o it. Great sleep. Then we still couldn't find it before nighttime sleep. Only two half wakes, some extra cuddles and "tuck-tuck's" from me, and he was sound asleep again.

And then we found it. In our bed under the covers.

It will stay "lost".

I'm hangin on ... he's recovering from viral pneumonia (notice proud hospital armband from chest xray taken) and we're travelling this week for the holiday with family ... not exactly the timing I would have chosen to transition. However, he was not excited about giving it away "to a baby who needs it" at all when we repeatedly suggested it several weeks ago. He even reverted in his potty habits for a bit at the same time. He embraces the role of being our baby with gusto. Wink. We will celebrate his new independence soon ... with something extra special, but it is pretty ironic that I picked up "footie jamas" for him at the thrift store yesterday so he could be like his older brothers. He was so excited to join the club. Maybe another pair of footies will seal the deal.

He's growing up. We love him. A lot.

Playing pretend at the library

I remember days as a little girl that I declared myself the librarian of all the books in our home, put cards in the books along with a date due slip on the back cover, and even sent out notices of fines to my siblings when the book was not returned in a timely fashion. If my memory is correct, one of my "big" purchases with my cleaning money aka allowance was a rotary date stamp with a black stamp pad. It was a treasure!

I'm not sure when, but at some point my mom would drop me off at the library by myself while she ran an errand or two, and I buried myself in the shelf of the all-things Beverly Cleary, and then eventually the Sweet Valley Twins. Having my own personal library card was a huge privilege and responsibility. I don't ever remember paying a fine. The beauty of borrowing books for free was so simple and meaningful. There were so many choices and nothing holding me back.

As an upper-elementary teacher, I discovered some amazing children's literature that I never was exposed to as a child. I definitely didn't mind reading children's literature for my job. My favorite parts of the year were memorialized by the chapter book I was reading with my students ... Number the Stars, The Bronze Bow, Johnny Tremain, The Sign of the Beaver, Caddie Woodlawn will always be some of my favorite memories of teaching in Dallas as a newly married seminary wife.

As a new New Orleanian and new pastor's wife, I chose to give some life to our church's very worn-out and unused library. I got to pretend to be a librarian and help others get excited about books and videos in our church library.

As a young mom, it literally became the highlight of my week to visit the public library and check-out a stack of 20+ picture books to read to my toddler boys before naps and bedtime. We found many favorites along the way and simply enjoyed many great stories and pictures together, not to mention the cuddles, giggles, and sleepy eyes that go with them. Usually our visit to the library would include weekly storytime. What a beautiful thing it is for a SAHM who loves to read. I learned songs and fingerplays I never knew. I met other moms and children. We had fun together.

And once again, I find myself in a public library every week. This time it's my way to get to know and love our new community better and have reason and purpose to be in Gentilly on a regular basis with my interests and skills. When we first visited and saw no programs for kids publicized, I volunteered to be the "storytime lady" every Wednesday, and they said, "yes!". I pretend to be on the library staff. ;) Eli and I are making friends and reading our way through the collection. What an honor and fun thing it is to serve our community this way! I'm so thankful.

He joined the club!

During fall break, Zach was seen by a new (to us) eye doctor at Children's Hospital. We came home with a glasses prescription and eyedrops for every night. The eyedrops are meant to blur the vision of his good eye some so that his lazy eye will be forced to work harder. So, Zach joined the club of glasses-wearers about a week ago. It was fun to watch him pick out his frames. I had no idea what to expect, but his opinions were pretty cute i.e. "These make me look like a teacher." or "I look like a girl." or THE ones of choice ... "I look goooood." as he checked his profile in the mirror. He wanted wire rims like his dad, and he kept coming back to the same pair even though we tried on at least a dozen. I won't forget that visit. It's fun to watch him become his own little person ... he is so kindergarten!

After his first day with them, his teachers felt like his attention span was longer making his focus more consistent with their expectations. Sweet. He likes to wear them. It helped that Uncle John texted a pic and said, "Welcome to the club!" Before he even got his pair, he was noticing all the people in "the club". He's been responsible about wearing them always, cleaning them, putting them in his case at night, and leaving them on his school desk for lunch and recess. He's only forgotten them one time ... as we pulled up to school last Friday, he exclaimed, "Mom, I forgot my glasses." I hadn't even noticed.

So here he is ... we are so proud of him!

Gulf Shores

It seemed strange to go to the beach in September, yet it is a big perk of living so close to the Gulf Coast. Since Doug's brother Damien, his wife, and three children were spending their last days in New Orleans before moving to Thailand, we were happy to take some time off and enjoy the sand, surf, pool, and big house in Gulf Shores last weekend. The weather was fantastic. Even in the midst of many mixed emotions as we approached saying good-bye, the beauty and simplicity of the beach allowed for relaxing and reflection with a good bit of praying and dreaming.

More pics soon ... blogger is no fun sometimes.

A day at college

Recently, the subject of "college" has come up around the dinner table and in the van. We've talked about all the people that we know that are going to college ... some are young, some are old. The boys heard our "college" story of me and Doug becoming friends, then deciding to marry and live together forever. So, today, we went to "college". University of New Orleans is their Mimie's alma mater and is a significant piece in Gentilly. Sunday's baptism gathering was held at the UNO Aquatic Center, but I had never been on the rest of the campus. The boys and I pulled up in front of the University Center, took a peek in dining hall (ChickFilA in Gentilly?!), and meandered through the Privateer Bookstore. (Later Doug explained what a privateer was. I sure didn't know. )We found a book about the mascot of LSU, which seemed an appropriate addition to our family library in light of our secret connection to Mike the Tiger. And just as we were leaving, a former youth group friend now in his first year at UNO greeted us and offered to show us his dorm room. Sweet. The boys' eyes were wide the whole time. Tonight they were dreaming about who they would room with at college one day. It's so fun that UNO is part of Gentilly's landscape. Before we left for the other side of the river, we landed at the Gentilly Branch of the NOPL, then enjoyed some slammin' goodies at Daddy's Donuts complete with the story behind its name, followed by errands to the post office and the bank. It felt good to be in Gentilly doing our thing ... it would be really nice if we could live there too. Wink. 

Courage

I want to live courageously. I can name several critical even monumental events in my life that have required magnificent courage, yet it's the small things that I avoid out of fear. Most of the fear in the small things have been unconscious until lately.

Like running, for instance. I don't plan to ever run a marathon, for the record. I've birthed three children naturally. I'm good. However, I've never demonstrated much stamina or endurance in running ever in my life. Sure, I played basketball, but I remember pleading with my high school coach to take me out because there were fresh legs on the bench. How lame is that. Softball and volleyball were by far my favorite team sports solely because they required less running. Running the mile in high school was a joke. I guessed I would stop before I even started. Dumb. Now that I've dropped the baby and Katrina weight (and some from college ;) too), I figured it was time to stop believing my own excuses and simply try to run a mile without stopping. I have three sons who are watching their dad run all the time. I see running as a family in our future possibly (you know, those two-mile "fun" runs), and I don't want to be on the sidelines. Not long ago I did it. I ran a mile. All it took was determination coupled with learning how to breathe. And, then I felt silly. Why was that such a deal? What else do I avoid or delay simply because I don't have the courage to go beyond where I've gone before?

I don't even know why I was afraid to keep running when it hurt. But when I am avoiding/delaying anything, I'm learning to ask myself, "What am I  afraid of?" Almost always, there is an answer. Sometimes I don't want to initiate a conversation with a stranger for fear that they won't think I'm worth having a relationship with. Sometimes I don't want to ask for forgiveness from someone I've wronged for fear of the embarrassment of not being right. Sometimes I don't want to be completely honest with Doug for fear that he won't respond even if he knows my feelings. Sometimes I don't want to ask someone for something for fear of being too needy. Sometimes I don't want to try something new for fear of failure. The list could go on. I'm determined to identify those fears and see them for what they are ... excuses not to trust God more.

The ironic part of the season I find myself in is that there is so much familiar yet there is so much new. I know my neighborhood. I've lived in my house for years. I've been a resident of this city for a long time. However, most of my time is spent in two communities that are brand-new to me. Even though it's just a short drive to that area of the city, I haven't needed to visit there much before. I always get lost even with my GPS. There are so many new relationships, those closest to me and those that are acquaintances. And even the most familiar ones, there's a year missing and it's taking time to readjust. And after all the "heart-work" in Little Rock, I'm looking at the familiar and the new through a set of lenses I've never used before. So much of it takes great courage ... but it's so worth it. And, one day, maybe it won't feel quite so courageous. It will just be the way I live. For Him. For His glory. Because that's all that really matters.

P.S. Just because I can, I'm taking swimming lessons within the year. Wink. Yes, I'm a Moyer, but I will learn to swim. It's just plain dumb that I can't. 

Hello, homework

If only homework was REALLY this exciting!! The distraction of me taking his picture is always welcome.

Morris Jeff

Whenever Doug talks about his public education while growing up in New Orleans, he has more stories than most. He tells of his parents seeking out THE best school for him (and his siblings to follow). He sings the songs that started their days at Jean Gordon Elementary School. He relives memories made at weekend school-wide camping trips at Land O' Pines. He emphasizes that color never mattered when it came to friends, teachers or the like because his first school experience represented his city as a whole. While my school experience was equally perfect for me and my family, it is so drastically different than his that there is rarely an equal comparison as we swap stories. Not surprising since Lancaster County culture is just a tad different from the Big Easy.

Zach's first morning meeting

In the past 11 years as I have learned to love this grand city of New Orleans by being exposed to it closely through marriage to a die-hard New Orleanian, I have found appreciation and joy in Doug's stories of his childhood. Especially the ones that had to do with his education. (After all, I possess a teacher gene or two.) Those earliest experiences have been significant in the man that I share life with today. It's no coincidence. It's God's hand on Doug's life even before Doug or either of his parents knew Him. God's faithfulness has proven itself again  ... to our children. And, it's not surprising that my heart has grown to match Doug's as we have dreamed about what kind of elementary school our boys would attend in this city we love. We wanted our boys to attend a strong school academically that represented the population of New Orleans.

Both Doug and I are so pleased to be a part of Morris Jeff Community School, a charter school that embraces our values in education for children in New Orleans. This journey to find THE right school was not without headache (see this post, then this one), and in the end ... it fell into our laps as we were "done" with the numerous application hoops necessary to attend New Orleans' best performing schools. Honestly, we weren't all that excited about the first seven options anyway. Smile.

Morning mtg., 1st & 2nd graders, teachers, and parents

Every morning, the school day begins with a morning meeting when the principal talks about the school's values interactively with the students and teachers, followed by a song and the pledge to our country's flag. I love that our principal is good ... really good. She's approachable, kind, a strong leader and has put in some amazing hours to get this thing off the ground. I love the enthusiasm of the teachers. They get the school's mission and are excited to be a part of it. Almost every morning, I have found my eyes wet as I realize what a gift this environment is to MY children let alone to the children of New Orleans. I am simply amazed that we get to be a part of this institution that was built by a group of strong, dedicated, and courageous community leaders for several years.  We are only meeting some of these influential people now that school has started. The ironic part is several of those key leaders don't have children of their own, yet they have spent amazing amounts of energy and time to this mission. We are so exceedingly grateful.

And just to remember, when I asked the boys if they liked Morris Jeff better than Terry (their school in LR and only school experience) ... Zach quickly and heartily said, "YES!" Sam was more hesitant and said, "...when they have a real playground." Love those two.

First day of school

It's 1:30pm. How nice it is to sit on the couch and finally visit my blog after a summer's unintended sabbatical. This was the first summer since I've become a mom that I've not had the blessing of afternoon naptime for all littles. Since Sam and Zach were in school full-time last year, it seemed awkward (although sometimes mandated) to designate a required rest-time every afternoon. They truly enjoyed playing alone together w/o a toddler to disrupt their "stories", as Eli naps for usually a three-hour stretch. Yet, I've missed the quiet house in the middle of the day. I never have found time to visit here in the midst of adjusting to life again in New Orleans. Hopefully, I'll get to post more often now that school is back in session.

And here's our little crew this morning bright and early ... of course, a little someone wanted to get in on the act. Later when he and I were at the mall, I wondered if it was simply a coincidence that he found a navy polo shirt and was swinging it around.

One super cute happy but a lil' tired kindergartener. Zach is most excited about kindergarten because "I don't have to take a nap!"

And our way-too-cool 1st grader. Sam says his favorite part about the the first day was dancing in arts class. I can only imagine what his moves looked like.

Transition

It already feels like a dream. Just three weeks ago, we moved back home to New Orleans after living in Little Rock for 10 months. In some ways, it feels like we never left. In other ways, the adjustment and transition we are experiencing as a family feels monumental. Besides reoccupying our neighborhood and our home that we believed would have sold before now, it’s our first transition to “summer vacation” as Zach finished Pre-K and Sam graduated from kindergarten the day before we left Little Rock.
Transition is a close friend these days. We eagerly anticipate yet another transition when God provides a buyer for our home in Algiers and a home for us in Gentilly. We’re delighted about the impending transition for our boys as they enter Morris Jeff Community School in August. Most obviously, transition surrounds every element of the ministry of NOLA Church Plant as we work together as a team in one city, as we develop our core group, and as we interact with volunteer teams virtually every week.

No routine. No normal. I am challenged by His desire for me to enjoy His presence every day. Oh how I crave my time with Him. When every human part of me wants to know the rest of the story with our house, our church, our school and even Eli’s journey out of diapers, I rest in what I do know: God knows the rest of all those stories. His plans are the best for me. His plans are the best for our family. His plans are the best for Gentilly. I can’t help but be grateful for all He has done. I can’t help but be grateful that I get to be a character in His story to make His name great in New Orleans today.

Thanks for praying for us.


*written for the NOLA Church Plant weekly e-newsletter

Hello, New Orleans

We may look exhausted but we're happy! We arrived on Wednesday night, unloaded with the help of many welcoming friends, started unpacking on Thursday and slept in our beds that night. An evening with our team-mates/friends became dinner at Tony Mandina's, tickets to Preservation Hall, topped off by beignets and cafe au lait at Cafe du Monde. Twas a fabulous way to begin this next season in NOLA. I felt like I was in a movie at Preservation Hall, and definitely not the last. My dad would loooove it. At least, that's what I kept thinking the whole time we were there. Small room, no AC, too late for seats, but the jazz was amazing! It's definitely been added to our list of places to take friends who visit New Orleans. We are settled for now ... come on, everyone!

Goodbye, Little Rock

In the final days of Little Rock life ... fantastic service at FBC this morning. It represented a big part or our journey here ... my life has been transformed from a long-timer to a late-comer. May I never forget what He has graciously given. May every day be dependent on God's grace and compassion, pouring onto others what I've been given so lavishly for no other reason but love itself. The song below hits me as my heart's desire for this transition ...



We arrive in New Orleans on Wednesday late afternoon. We would be delighted to see you ... if you want to help us unload the truck, give Doug a call. You could meet us at that little pink house along the River.

Preparing my heart to move back home

Elisabeth Elliot wrote, Waiting requires patience -- a willingness to calmly accept what we have or have not, where we are or where we wish we were, whomever we live or work with.

To want what we don't have is impatience, for one thing, and it is to mistrust God. Is He not in complete control of all circumstances, events, and conditions? If some are beyond His control, He is not God.

A spirit of resistance cannot wait on God. I believe it is this spirit which is the reason for some of our greatest sufferings. Opposing the workings of the Lord in and through our "problems" only exacerbates them. It is here and now that we must win our victories and suffer defeats. Spiritual victories are won in the quiet acceptance of ordinary events, which are God's "bright servants," standing all around us.

Restlessness and impatience change nothing but our peace and joy. Peace does not dwell in outward things but in our heart prepared to wait trustfully and quietly on Him who has all things safely in His hands ... Jesus had perfect trust in His Father, whose will He had come to accomplish. Nothing touched Him without His Father's permission. Nothing touches me without my Father's permission. Can I not then wait patiently? He will show the way.

This is so timely for me. April is over i.e. the tax credit opportunity when purchasing a home has expired. We are less than a month from moving back to New Orleans. And while the desire "to know" where we will live when we return has laid dormant, it has boldly resurfaced in my mind. However, I am slowly getting my heart wrapped around the idea of moving back into the home that we "own" in Algiers. We put our house on the market last spring. We left NOLA in August hoping to sell it even after we moved out. We rented it out for a time over the winter. Our tenants moved out in February. It was back on the market in March after a new coat of paint inside and out. We celebrated the first of May as the last month to carry a mortgage and rent at the same time. God has provided. There's no doubt about it. 

While I could list valid and selfish reasons of why I don't prefer to move back into our little pink house in Algiers by the river, the bottomline is all of those truths in bold above are what have been floating through my mind since I read them last week. John 14:25-27 has been profoundly on my heart as well ... Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. 

If I say that I am getting my heart ready for this move and I'm not to allow my heart to be troubled or afraid, then I have to ask, What am I afraid of? My initial fears of the boys having to transition extra moves and the never-ending mental game of managing five people's stuff in 1050 square feet top my list. And then, there's the part of me that just doesn't want to do it. But, honestly, when I search my deepest longings, I realize that I am really afraid that God has forgotten about this detail. I tell Him in my mind that if He really loved us, He would have taken care of us better. This house business would have gone more smoothly. What entitlement! How selfish and ungrateful I am! And the honest thing is that I've felt His love and peace more through lessons learned while having it (and not living in it) than ever before, and I have so quickly forgotten how much He really loves me in my self-absorbed, pitiful, ugly, natural state. Lord, forgive my mistrust of your love. Forgive my unbelief of Your best for our family. For me. My way is not better. You will show the way.

And after all that, I realize that it won't be all that bad. Yes, we'll have more stuff than can fit into the house (especially when we're still trying to show it). So what? We'll rent a storage unit temporarily. Nothing will be as expensive as paying two housing bills every month. And yes, the boys will have to transition a couple extra times because we will move to Gentilly eventually, but they love our house (especially their friends next door) and our yard. And, really, we all do. We love walks/runs on the Mississippi River levee. We love our fig tree in the backyard. We love our yard. We love our quiet neighborhood. We love being a mile from Mimie's house. Who knew it would be so hard [for me] to embrace something I've already said good-bye to? Silly. Now we will get the opportunity to spend more time with our friends/neighbors. Now we will get to maintain new habits that we've developed here in our old environment. Now we will have a home that we love to live in immediately. Honestly, none of "my guys" will be bothered by this, it's all about me and my heart. He loves me. He knows best for me. I have to trust Him. Mostly because if things had gone my way, I would have never known His love in the first place.

I invite you to speak truth to encourage, exhort me ... as I venture into this next transition. I would love to hear how God has shown up for you or what God has taught you in your waiting or in your impatience. 

A couple things to note:

1. Because of the kind of loan we currently have, we can't rent the house. We have to sell in order to move permanently. 

2. Even if we had sold it by now, we still need to acquire a downpayment as well as a month's worth of "new employer paystubs" before our bank will write us a loan. A temporary transition would have been in order anyway. 

3. It will remain on the market while we're living in it. It is still our desire to live in the Gentilly community, the church's permanent location.