Breaking the silence

First day of summer break.
Morning snuggles.
Whole grain waffles.
Godtime with boys.
Half-block walk.
Swing by church.
Playdate with friends.
Drive-thru lunch date.
Home-owners again.
Housewarming gift.
Laughter with a friend.
Chat with a sister.
Reading to the littlest.
Floor covered with toys.
Happy playing and resting.
Celebratory entertaining dinner.
Exterior paint samples.
Quiet. Rest.

But I am like an olive tree flourishing in the house of God; I trust in God's unfailing love for ever and ever. For what you have done I will always praise you in the presence of your faithful people. And I will hope in your name, for your name is good. ~ Psalm 52:8-9

Preparing my heart to move back home

Elisabeth Elliot wrote, Waiting requires patience -- a willingness to calmly accept what we have or have not, where we are or where we wish we were, whomever we live or work with.

To want what we don't have is impatience, for one thing, and it is to mistrust God. Is He not in complete control of all circumstances, events, and conditions? If some are beyond His control, He is not God.

A spirit of resistance cannot wait on God. I believe it is this spirit which is the reason for some of our greatest sufferings. Opposing the workings of the Lord in and through our "problems" only exacerbates them. It is here and now that we must win our victories and suffer defeats. Spiritual victories are won in the quiet acceptance of ordinary events, which are God's "bright servants," standing all around us.

Restlessness and impatience change nothing but our peace and joy. Peace does not dwell in outward things but in our heart prepared to wait trustfully and quietly on Him who has all things safely in His hands ... Jesus had perfect trust in His Father, whose will He had come to accomplish. Nothing touched Him without His Father's permission. Nothing touches me without my Father's permission. Can I not then wait patiently? He will show the way.

This is so timely for me. April is over i.e. the tax credit opportunity when purchasing a home has expired. We are less than a month from moving back to New Orleans. And while the desire "to know" where we will live when we return has laid dormant, it has boldly resurfaced in my mind. However, I am slowly getting my heart wrapped around the idea of moving back into the home that we "own" in Algiers. We put our house on the market last spring. We left NOLA in August hoping to sell it even after we moved out. We rented it out for a time over the winter. Our tenants moved out in February. It was back on the market in March after a new coat of paint inside and out. We celebrated the first of May as the last month to carry a mortgage and rent at the same time. God has provided. There's no doubt about it. 

While I could list valid and selfish reasons of why I don't prefer to move back into our little pink house in Algiers by the river, the bottomline is all of those truths in bold above are what have been floating through my mind since I read them last week. John 14:25-27 has been profoundly on my heart as well ... Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. 

If I say that I am getting my heart ready for this move and I'm not to allow my heart to be troubled or afraid, then I have to ask, What am I afraid of? My initial fears of the boys having to transition extra moves and the never-ending mental game of managing five people's stuff in 1050 square feet top my list. And then, there's the part of me that just doesn't want to do it. But, honestly, when I search my deepest longings, I realize that I am really afraid that God has forgotten about this detail. I tell Him in my mind that if He really loved us, He would have taken care of us better. This house business would have gone more smoothly. What entitlement! How selfish and ungrateful I am! And the honest thing is that I've felt His love and peace more through lessons learned while having it (and not living in it) than ever before, and I have so quickly forgotten how much He really loves me in my self-absorbed, pitiful, ugly, natural state. Lord, forgive my mistrust of your love. Forgive my unbelief of Your best for our family. For me. My way is not better. You will show the way.

And after all that, I realize that it won't be all that bad. Yes, we'll have more stuff than can fit into the house (especially when we're still trying to show it). So what? We'll rent a storage unit temporarily. Nothing will be as expensive as paying two housing bills every month. And yes, the boys will have to transition a couple extra times because we will move to Gentilly eventually, but they love our house (especially their friends next door) and our yard. And, really, we all do. We love walks/runs on the Mississippi River levee. We love our fig tree in the backyard. We love our yard. We love our quiet neighborhood. We love being a mile from Mimie's house. Who knew it would be so hard [for me] to embrace something I've already said good-bye to? Silly. Now we will get the opportunity to spend more time with our friends/neighbors. Now we will get to maintain new habits that we've developed here in our old environment. Now we will have a home that we love to live in immediately. Honestly, none of "my guys" will be bothered by this, it's all about me and my heart. He loves me. He knows best for me. I have to trust Him. Mostly because if things had gone my way, I would have never known His love in the first place.

I invite you to speak truth to encourage, exhort me ... as I venture into this next transition. I would love to hear how God has shown up for you or what God has taught you in your waiting or in your impatience. 

A couple things to note:

1. Because of the kind of loan we currently have, we can't rent the house. We have to sell in order to move permanently. 

2. Even if we had sold it by now, we still need to acquire a downpayment as well as a month's worth of "new employer paystubs" before our bank will write us a loan. A temporary transition would have been in order anyway. 

3. It will remain on the market while we're living in it. It is still our desire to live in the Gentilly community, the church's permanent location. 

Riding roller-coasters simultaneously

We are quickly coming to the end of our time in Little Rock. Next Sunday marks the culmination of the residency with Fellowship Associates as Fellowship Bible Church commissions us as couples to our new ministry assignment. That weekend is a reunion  for all the previous and present residents and wives ... as FA celebrates 10 years of intentionality in training church planters. It's a beautiful legacy and network.

Doug has been travelling frequently throughout the year, but will even more in the next six weeks before we land permanently again in New Orleans. It's been a joy to reconnect with folks all over the States who have been impacted by their service in New Orleans post-Katrina. God is providing for our future needs in amazing ways and we continue to trust Him as the rest of our financial needs are met.

Our plan is to head for NOLA with our packed moving truck on June 1st after we celebrate kindergarten graduation with Sam. Where we will go with our stuff is still to be determined. Our house in Algiers is priced to sell yet we've had no offers. If it is still ours, we will move in while keeping it on the market. As most of you know, our heart's desire is to live in Gentilly, where the new church will be. (Gentilly is across the river and about a 20-minute drive from Algiers.) We covet your prayers as we continue to trust God's loving plan for our family about where we need to be for the first several months ... even if our house is sold by the time we return.

Regarding schools for Sam and Zach (see previous post), we are still on separate paths with 7 different schools in locations all over the city. This article about Lusher opening 2 more kindergarten classes gave us a measure of hope for Zach. Last weekend, the boys and I were in NOLA so that Zach could complete his entrance observation for ISL. We wait for a letter about admission for him before we pursue securing a spot for Sam. Our best waiting list numbers for both boys are at Audubon. We are optimistic about Alice Harte after we took a tour over spring break. We've submitted applications to several others on recommendations from friends, but haven't even visited the campuses. Upon the recommendation from a Lusher representative, we'll send in apps to one more school this week, Morris Jeff. Where they will go is still a mystery. We feel called to public schools, and this ride has already been a challenge. I smile at the thought that this is only a pre-cursor to how God will use our boys in public education as a way to deepen our dependence on Him and Him alone. This is really just the beginning.

While seemingly big pieces are still missing to the puzzle ... where we will live, how we will live ($), where the boys will go to school ... one thing is certain. He loves us. We love Him. He's given us a passion for New Orleans and a calling to help plant a church in Gentilly. We love the city and its people. I trust Him as we seek to walk faithfully. But it is only by His grace and work in my heart that I'm not going nuts. We would really appreciate your prayers as we again adjust to the "new" in the midst of some "old"  ... and with most of it being still unknown to us.

A cute little pink house

Our house is back on the market after lots of hard work recently by Doug and friends from a partnering church in Dallas. On Friday, I found this picture in my inbox. You do notice the shutters, right? Several friends put them up as a final finishing touch. It all came back to me. I really liked this house when we bought it. The shutters came off when we endured the major unexpected bathroom remodel in the first months of our "ownership". They had been stashed safely in the shed for five years.

Now a little trip down memory lane ... I was pregnant with Zach when we closed on the house in January 2005 while Sam had just turned 1 the month before. Because of the bathroom damage we found upon arrival, our moving in was delayed until March. Without the help of Doug's dad and his wife, we would have been totally up a creek without a paddle. Our church pitched in with a workday to help paint everything but the bathroom and get us in faster. I can recall many men who graciously showed up to complete specific jobs in those early months. Amazing community stuff when you feel more grateful than deserving. Then the end of May came and Zach arrived! And, yes, I did say this was 2005 ... Katrina turned our life really upside down at the end of that August. Mind you, our house was high and dry through the storm. Two trees crisscrossed on our roof causing damage but honestly their cover kept the water damage to a minimum. A new roof arrived in October and we felt God's grace in the midst of so much yuck all around our city. We were happy when 2006 rolled around. It had been quite a year.

So as I look at this picture of our cute little pink house with the green shutters, I'm reminded that it served us well in the midst of its own neglect and survival-mode as we focused our attention on hurricane relief/recovery and raising our little ones. Finally, it (mostly) looks like what we envisioned it could become when we became the proud owners five years ago. Just in time for new owners to fix it the way they want it. Wink.

Final weekend

Doug returned earlier than expected last night. He has been in Tennessee on the youth summer trip since Sunday. The boys and I hunkered down at home literally as we all got sick with various flu symptoms which lasted most of the week. In spite of all that, my plan for packing the house on my own went pretty close to schedule, especially since the boys spent several mornings hanging out on the couches with PBS.

Last night, we enjoyed a nice dinner at Chili's to catch up on the events of the week. We're staying at Mimie's house for the weekend. [Funny that we haven't done this since when we lived in Dallas from 99-02. Even though it's a new house for her, it's nostalgic.] We pick up the truck this morning and have a couple errands. Breaking down furniture and getting everything ready to load is the plan of the day before an evening meeting on the Northshore with friends. Tomorrow is our last morning at Berean with a farewell lunch following the morning service. After that, packing the truck is top priority. We pull out early (hopefully) Monday morning for Little Rock.

And, the real reason I even thought of my blog on this crazy morning is ... this classic line from Zach. This morning, he anxiously comes up to me and says, "Mom, I left something in the car!!!" I ask, "What is it, Zach?" He says with a sheepish grin, "Home." I love that kid.

As to how we're all feeling ... Sam and Zach are excited and ready to help pack the truck tomorrow. Eli missed his daddy this week (I didn't realize it with all else that was going on, but could tell by the way he reacted to seeing him again!), still feels punky. I'm especially grateful for the familiarity of Mimie's house this weekend for him. Poor guy! Doug is super-tired from the trip with barely any down time, but I know he'll dig deep and tackle it all then crash next weekend. I'm still feeling strange symptoms from the flu stuff (last night was a stiff neck), and just praying hard that we make it to Little Rock without anyone throwing up.

Still need a buyer for the house ... really don't want to rent. Pray for wisdom with next steps. Neighbor's sister/fiance seem interested but haven't asked to see it yet. So curious to read the last chapter of the story of this house in our lives.

My ball and chain

5:20pm ... I'm turning on music for the kids to wind down since I caught them before the water play got too out of control outside with the neighbor kids. two baskets of clean laundry are ready to be folded before I tackle the rest of dinner. phone rings from our realtor telling me someone wants to look at the house between 5:30 and 6:00pm tonight. Doug isn't home yet.

5:25pm ... while feverishly cleaning up, putting away stuff and mindlessly going from room to room, I look at the clock and realize that they could arrive any minute. Mimie arrives for dinner which is simmering on the stove waiting for the sides to be started.

5:30pm ... my mind wonders if this is it. we just lowered the price again yesterday. maybe. thinking about our stuff through the eyes of a prospective buyer. hide unmentionables in drawers. clean out the grass in the tub from the kids' feet since the lawn was mowed yesterday. thinking I was so on top of things to mop the kitchen floor just an hour ago.

5:40pm ... look at the clock again. maybe they won't come. what are the chances? no one has really come. (well, just three in three months) coax myself to be positive. God has a plan. right? head to the kitchen to try to clean up the dishes from dinner prep. thankful that Mimie is here to entertain the boys while I'm so focused.

5:45pm ... neighbor calls to see why I sent her boys home so fast. explain a little and finish our conversation since I hear a knock on the door.

5:46pm ... open the door and say, "come on in."

5:47pm ... "she doesn't want to come in. she doesn't want a raised house." (kind realtor)

A cruel joke. Good grief.

Please, God, let me off.