Sharpened Perspective

The first of the year offers a natural space to reminisce with delight and grief at the moments over the span of a short time. Like a new page in a journal with a favorite ink-pen, a sharpened perspective emerges to forge forward. Without reflection on the past, how can one dream with anticipation and delight of what is to come? After all, it's mostly through our experiences of yesterdays that we view our tomorrows.

The significant moments of my spiritual journey in 2012 are marked profoundly by God. Thanks be to Him! He is the creator of all things new in me. It is difficult to describe the days of 2012. Words like painful, arduous, victorious, powerful come to mind easily as images of individual scenes flash through my memory.

One scene repeats itself again and again. It is me curled up on my recliner in the last hour of morning darkness with my spiral journal, a smooth pen, His Word, several books, a cup of coffee and the light of my lamp.  I am sitting still, reading, listening, crying, writing, dreaming, praying, loving, and changing. I find refuge in the midst of tears, struggle, and profound neediness.

Gentle grace.
Quiet admonition.
Faithful love.
Steadfast care.
Compassion beyond belief.
Hard, meaningful necessary growth.

As a daughter of God.
As a woman loving Jesus.
As a minister to others.
As the wife of Doug.
As the mom of three boys.
As me ... all of these in every moment.

Hurting hearts

I am not looking forward to today. Sitting with a young couple honoring the short life of their teeny tiny baby son born sleeping early and unexpectedly makes my heart and strength deplete. I know that God loves and is gracious beyond what I can recognize in the midst of life's deepest storms. This morning I needed a psalm and a song to meditate and sing inside as my heart hurts for these friends. He heals broken hearts. He strengthens the weak. I know it. I believe it. I long to feel You near today, Father. 





The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. ~Psalm 34:18


"But as for me, it is good to be near God. I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge: I will tell of all your deeds." ~ Psalm 73:28

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. ~ Matthew 11:28

Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge. ~ Psalm 62:8

I'm keeping my eyes on Him even though what's going on around me seems overwhelming at times. May I always be looking for strength, peace, and rest from Him (vertically), instead of making sense of our circumstances through what I can see around me (horizontally).

I believe, God, that you can do the impossible. I know that You have in the past and You will continue to demonstrate Your love and faithfulness in this fallen world for as long as it exists. My heart is open to You as completely as I know how. Change me. Transform me. Empty me of me so that You can do Your work in this world. Fill me. I am not scared of Your plan for me. I am yours.

Breaking the silence

First day of summer break.
Morning snuggles.
Whole grain waffles.
Godtime with boys.
Half-block walk.
Swing by church.
Playdate with friends.
Drive-thru lunch date.
Home-owners again.
Housewarming gift.
Laughter with a friend.
Chat with a sister.
Reading to the littlest.
Floor covered with toys.
Happy playing and resting.
Celebratory entertaining dinner.
Exterior paint samples.
Quiet. Rest.

But I am like an olive tree flourishing in the house of God; I trust in God's unfailing love for ever and ever. For what you have done I will always praise you in the presence of your faithful people. And I will hope in your name, for your name is good. ~ Psalm 52:8-9

Unlearning

I have so many thoughts. So many things to share. My journal shows it. My heart is full of God's goodness and grace. I want the energy to write here. He has placed me on a unique journey that I pray constantly for the courage to keep walking forward and not seek to control the circumstances, events, and people that come in my path. For the first time in my life, I surrender my desire to see the picture of the rest of my life. I long to trust Him wholly and completely with me. I am willing to go where I would rather not go.

Henri Nouwen expresses it this way, The way of the Christian leader is not the way of upward mobility in which our world has invested so much, but the way of downward mobility ending on the cross ... powerlessness and humility in the spiritual life do not refer to people who have no spine and who let everyone make decisions for them.


They refer to people who are so deeply in love with Jesus that they are ready to follow him wherever he guides them, always trusting that, with him, they will find life and find it abundantly.


Oswald Chambers writes, It is not true to say that God wants to teach us something in our trials. Through every cloud He brings our way, He wants us to unlearn something. His purpose in using the cloud is to simplify our beliefs until our relationship with Him is exactly like that of a child--a relationship simply between God and our souls, and where other people are but shadows. Until other people become shadows to us, clouds and darkness will be ours every once in awhile. Is our relationship with God becoming more simple than it has ever been? . . . Until we come face to face with the deepest, darkest fact of life without damaging our view of God's character, we do not yet know Him.


I love this journey. It's hard. It's aggravating. It's rewarding. It's becoming a little more simple.

*Quotes are taken from Daily Offices: Remembering God's Presence Throughout the Day by Pete Scazzero, Willow Creek, 2008.

Patient Trust

I have found myself so frustrated with many new beginnings in several areas of my life. While God is working and moving, my achiever personality wants to be complete with the task at hand. Naturally, I don't always enjoy the "process". I read the excerpt below in Pete Scazzero's Daily Offices: Remembering God's Presence Throughout the Day this morning. These words were a gift from God ... another layer revealed in my struggle to grow in grace as I long to be more like Him and understand me a bit more. I am recognizing how necessary it is to celebrate the growth up until today instead of continually pushing ahead to "force" more growth somehow. Impatience in the process and desire to control was a new connection to me. Very grateful for His patience with me while I seek His presence in my incomplete place.

Scripture Reading: Genesis 12:1-3

Devotional

The image of the Christian life as a journey captures our experience of following Christ like few others. Journeys involve movement, action, stops and starts, detours, delays, and trips into the unknown. God called Abraham to leave his comfortable life in Ur at the age of seventy-five and to embark on a long, slow journey; a journey with God that would require much patient trust.

Patient Trust

Above all, trust in the slow work of God.

We are quite naturally impatient in everything 

to reach the end without delay.

We should like to skip the intermediate stages.

We are impatient of being on the way to something

unknown, something new.

And yet it is the law of all progress 

that it is made by passing through

some stages of instability--

and that it may take a very long time.

And so I think it is with you;

your ideas mature gradually -- let them grow,

let them shape themselves without undue haste.

Don't try to force them on,

as though you could be today what time

(that is to say, grace and circumstances

acting on your own good will)

will make of you tomorrow.

Only God could say what this new spirit 

gradually forming within you will be.

Give our Lord the benefit of believing 

that his hand is leading you.

And accept the anxiety of feeling yourself

in suspense and incomplete.

by Pierre Teilhard De Chardin

Question to Ponder: What does it mean for you to trust in the slow work of God today?

Prayer: Grant me courage, Father, to embark on the unique journey you have crafted for me. By faith, I surrender my need and desire to be in control of every event, circumstance, person I will meet today. In Jesus' name, amen.

Courage

I want to live courageously. I can name several critical even monumental events in my life that have required magnificent courage, yet it's the small things that I avoid out of fear. Most of the fear in the small things have been unconscious until lately.

Like running, for instance. I don't plan to ever run a marathon, for the record. I've birthed three children naturally. I'm good. However, I've never demonstrated much stamina or endurance in running ever in my life. Sure, I played basketball, but I remember pleading with my high school coach to take me out because there were fresh legs on the bench. How lame is that. Softball and volleyball were by far my favorite team sports solely because they required less running. Running the mile in high school was a joke. I guessed I would stop before I even started. Dumb. Now that I've dropped the baby and Katrina weight (and some from college ;) too), I figured it was time to stop believing my own excuses and simply try to run a mile without stopping. I have three sons who are watching their dad run all the time. I see running as a family in our future possibly (you know, those two-mile "fun" runs), and I don't want to be on the sidelines. Not long ago I did it. I ran a mile. All it took was determination coupled with learning how to breathe. And, then I felt silly. Why was that such a deal? What else do I avoid or delay simply because I don't have the courage to go beyond where I've gone before?

I don't even know why I was afraid to keep running when it hurt. But when I am avoiding/delaying anything, I'm learning to ask myself, "What am I  afraid of?" Almost always, there is an answer. Sometimes I don't want to initiate a conversation with a stranger for fear that they won't think I'm worth having a relationship with. Sometimes I don't want to ask for forgiveness from someone I've wronged for fear of the embarrassment of not being right. Sometimes I don't want to be completely honest with Doug for fear that he won't respond even if he knows my feelings. Sometimes I don't want to ask someone for something for fear of being too needy. Sometimes I don't want to try something new for fear of failure. The list could go on. I'm determined to identify those fears and see them for what they are ... excuses not to trust God more.

The ironic part of the season I find myself in is that there is so much familiar yet there is so much new. I know my neighborhood. I've lived in my house for years. I've been a resident of this city for a long time. However, most of my time is spent in two communities that are brand-new to me. Even though it's just a short drive to that area of the city, I haven't needed to visit there much before. I always get lost even with my GPS. There are so many new relationships, those closest to me and those that are acquaintances. And even the most familiar ones, there's a year missing and it's taking time to readjust. And after all the "heart-work" in Little Rock, I'm looking at the familiar and the new through a set of lenses I've never used before. So much of it takes great courage ... but it's so worth it. And, one day, maybe it won't feel quite so courageous. It will just be the way I live. For Him. For His glory. Because that's all that really matters.

P.S. Just because I can, I'm taking swimming lessons within the year. Wink. Yes, I'm a Moyer, but I will learn to swim. It's just plain dumb that I can't. 

Goodbye, Little Rock

In the final days of Little Rock life ... fantastic service at FBC this morning. It represented a big part or our journey here ... my life has been transformed from a long-timer to a late-comer. May I never forget what He has graciously given. May every day be dependent on God's grace and compassion, pouring onto others what I've been given so lavishly for no other reason but love itself. The song below hits me as my heart's desire for this transition ...



We arrive in New Orleans on Wednesday late afternoon. We would be delighted to see you ... if you want to help us unload the truck, give Doug a call. You could meet us at that little pink house along the River.

Preparing my heart to move back home

Elisabeth Elliot wrote, Waiting requires patience -- a willingness to calmly accept what we have or have not, where we are or where we wish we were, whomever we live or work with.

To want what we don't have is impatience, for one thing, and it is to mistrust God. Is He not in complete control of all circumstances, events, and conditions? If some are beyond His control, He is not God.

A spirit of resistance cannot wait on God. I believe it is this spirit which is the reason for some of our greatest sufferings. Opposing the workings of the Lord in and through our "problems" only exacerbates them. It is here and now that we must win our victories and suffer defeats. Spiritual victories are won in the quiet acceptance of ordinary events, which are God's "bright servants," standing all around us.

Restlessness and impatience change nothing but our peace and joy. Peace does not dwell in outward things but in our heart prepared to wait trustfully and quietly on Him who has all things safely in His hands ... Jesus had perfect trust in His Father, whose will He had come to accomplish. Nothing touched Him without His Father's permission. Nothing touches me without my Father's permission. Can I not then wait patiently? He will show the way.

This is so timely for me. April is over i.e. the tax credit opportunity when purchasing a home has expired. We are less than a month from moving back to New Orleans. And while the desire "to know" where we will live when we return has laid dormant, it has boldly resurfaced in my mind. However, I am slowly getting my heart wrapped around the idea of moving back into the home that we "own" in Algiers. We put our house on the market last spring. We left NOLA in August hoping to sell it even after we moved out. We rented it out for a time over the winter. Our tenants moved out in February. It was back on the market in March after a new coat of paint inside and out. We celebrated the first of May as the last month to carry a mortgage and rent at the same time. God has provided. There's no doubt about it. 

While I could list valid and selfish reasons of why I don't prefer to move back into our little pink house in Algiers by the river, the bottomline is all of those truths in bold above are what have been floating through my mind since I read them last week. John 14:25-27 has been profoundly on my heart as well ... Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. 

If I say that I am getting my heart ready for this move and I'm not to allow my heart to be troubled or afraid, then I have to ask, What am I afraid of? My initial fears of the boys having to transition extra moves and the never-ending mental game of managing five people's stuff in 1050 square feet top my list. And then, there's the part of me that just doesn't want to do it. But, honestly, when I search my deepest longings, I realize that I am really afraid that God has forgotten about this detail. I tell Him in my mind that if He really loved us, He would have taken care of us better. This house business would have gone more smoothly. What entitlement! How selfish and ungrateful I am! And the honest thing is that I've felt His love and peace more through lessons learned while having it (and not living in it) than ever before, and I have so quickly forgotten how much He really loves me in my self-absorbed, pitiful, ugly, natural state. Lord, forgive my mistrust of your love. Forgive my unbelief of Your best for our family. For me. My way is not better. You will show the way.

And after all that, I realize that it won't be all that bad. Yes, we'll have more stuff than can fit into the house (especially when we're still trying to show it). So what? We'll rent a storage unit temporarily. Nothing will be as expensive as paying two housing bills every month. And yes, the boys will have to transition a couple extra times because we will move to Gentilly eventually, but they love our house (especially their friends next door) and our yard. And, really, we all do. We love walks/runs on the Mississippi River levee. We love our fig tree in the backyard. We love our yard. We love our quiet neighborhood. We love being a mile from Mimie's house. Who knew it would be so hard [for me] to embrace something I've already said good-bye to? Silly. Now we will get the opportunity to spend more time with our friends/neighbors. Now we will get to maintain new habits that we've developed here in our old environment. Now we will have a home that we love to live in immediately. Honestly, none of "my guys" will be bothered by this, it's all about me and my heart. He loves me. He knows best for me. I have to trust Him. Mostly because if things had gone my way, I would have never known His love in the first place.

I invite you to speak truth to encourage, exhort me ... as I venture into this next transition. I would love to hear how God has shown up for you or what God has taught you in your waiting or in your impatience. 

A couple things to note:

1. Because of the kind of loan we currently have, we can't rent the house. We have to sell in order to move permanently. 

2. Even if we had sold it by now, we still need to acquire a downpayment as well as a month's worth of "new employer paystubs" before our bank will write us a loan. A temporary transition would have been in order anyway. 

3. It will remain on the market while we're living in it. It is still our desire to live in the Gentilly community, the church's permanent location. 

FA Church Planters Reunion

Suddenly, it's the first of May and we're heading straight for the finish line in Little Rock. Fellowship Associates celebrates 10 years of the residency program for church planters and with it came a big reunion. They invited all the former residents  (40+) back for the weekend to truly see what God has done. It was amazing to meet these other couples (well, mostly the wives) and stand in the midst of this crowd of courageous leaders who are all in different stages of a similar journey to plant a new church in order to proclaim the name of Christ. Surrounded by these and our coaches/mentors from the year, Fellowship Bible Church ordained Doug and commissioned us as a couple to NOLA Church Plant. God has used this program, this city, this church, and these people to reveal Himself to us in bigger ways that we could have dreamed. Throughout the year, we've learned more about ourselves than we thought possible to know. We feel so honored and privileged to have been given the pieces of our puzzle that were missing until this time ... pieces related to our knowledge of ourselves, our marriage, our role as parents, and how we can minister those around us in a healthy way. We are forever grateful. 

You can find more pics from the weekend and a link to a video of the service online at our fan page on facebook. Thank you for praying for us, following our journey this year, and dreaming with us about how we can be a small part of truly restoring New Orleans in a way that matters most.

Early morning reflection

I woke up earlier than normal this morning and the house is quiet. As I lay in the silence and solitude, I watched the sun fill the dark places in the room and I can't help but praise God. He is in the quiet. He has been filling the dark places inside me with His light. And while difficult, I have never felt so blessed to call Him my Father.

Earlier this week, I attended a women's retreat for wives of men in ministry. One morning, I sat on the ground near the lake's shore and literally basked in the sun, listening to the sounds of nature and community around me. "Jesus is the light," kept returning to my mind from a sermon series around the holidays. That morning, I felt His presence in the bright light of the sun. I felt His whispers as the cool breeze blew through me. I was comfortable feeling not too cold nor too hot. He knew the temperature I could handle. I looked behind me and saw the shadows of the trees falling within inches of where I was sitting. I realized that if I was sitting in the shadows my body wouldn't feel as content. I wouldn't be able to fully enjoy this moment in His creation. Then it hit me. How often do I sit in the shadows of His presence? I'm close enough to enjoy what He's doing, observe it in others and even reach my hand into it frequently ... yet I miss the warmth and contentment that only He can provide as I enter completely into His presence for myself. Just me. Not for what I can gain to minister or encourage others. But, solely to enjoy the unconditional love He has for ME. He died for ME. He lives for ME. He wants a relationship with ME. Not because of how He can use me for the work in His kingdom, but because He literally wants a relationship with ME. No strings attached.

My life has been nurtured and led to serve others. Look at my family of origin. The service. The work ethic. The examples of family units making radical choices to serve God with everything. Fast forward to 2005, I'm a New Orleanian as Katrina hits. I experience my own losses yet in comparison to those around me, mine are minor and small. I immediately feel and see the needs of others strongly. I hurt for them. I serve them. I love them ... in the way I know how. Somewhere along the way, I stuff my stuff and rarely take the time to enjoy/feel/experience God's amazing love for ME. He loves ME. When my natural tendency is to overlook myself in efforts to love those around me, I have been gently forced to enjoy His love just for ME this year. Not because I'm Doug's wife. Not because I've been entrusted with three boys to mother. Not because I'm a Moyer. Not because my life may be a model for others. But because He loves ME. Just ME. That's it.

All of a sudden, I realize that while I've been singing "Jesus loves me, this I know" all my life, with many other children, and with my boys, I'm not certain that I really do. I can sing it. I can say it. I can even believe it. I can assure others of it, yet I may be only now truly enjoying and embracing it ... just for me. I want to sit in the light of His personal love forever.

When I enjoy His love, I am confident of His presence.
When I'm confident of His presence, I'm confident of His plan.
When I am confident of His plan, I can trust Him with today.
When I can trust Him for today, I can trust Him for my future.
He loves ME. How can I be fearful?
All I can muster is gratefulness.

Spring Break

Earlier this year, I mentioned the devotional book Jesus Calling by Sarah Young. These phrases from the book have kept me from my expected "freak out" moments as we near our return to New Orleans. I wanted to record them here as I pull them from my journal.  These words have challenged me throughout each day as I focus all my energy to trust God in the midst of the unknown. The book is written as if Jesus were writing to the reader ... paraphrased from Scripture.

"Refuse to waste energy worrying, and you will have strength to spare."

"Believing that God loves just being with you may take some getting used to ... the truth of His love ... the pleasure of being in His presence to love Him and be loved."

"Fix your eyes on what is unseen. Verbalize your trust in Me. You can find Me only in the present. Receive today's gift gratefully. Delve into it. As you savor this gift, you find Me."

"You will find that you can accomplish more in less time, after you have given yourself to Me in rich communion."

"I smile when you think lovingly of Me. Let me be your positive focus."

"Be on guard against the pit of self-pity. It is ever so much harder to get out of the pit than to keep a safe distance from it."

"Only My Life in you can empower you to face this endless flow of problems with good cheer."

"I want to inhabit all your moments--gracing your thoughts, words and behavior. Pause before responding to people or situations, giving My Spirit space to act through you."

"In faith, thank Me for whatever is preoccupying your mind. This will clear the blockage so that you can find Me.

"Because I am infinite in all My ways, you need not fear that I will run out of resources. Abundance is at the very heart of who I am.

Another book I've been enjoying is Be Still and Know That I Am God: 31 Days to a Deeper Meditative Prayer Life. God has challenged me this year to enjoy His presence in the quiet. I love being busy. I love accomplishing tasks. I have always fit Him into my schedule of my day. Sitting still and being quiet before the Lord is entirely different than "texting-type" conversation with Him throughout the day. In order to truly depend on Him and not on who I am or what I have to offer Him, I'm finally learning that He simply wants me to enjoy His presence. To simply "be still and know that He is God." (Psalm 46:10)

"When you are hungry for me, you will spend more time with me and enjoy it without measuring or watching the clock. We are just not in love with God. Not hungry for Him. If we were, we'd eat more. - Calvin Miller

"To know Him is to trust Him. As you trust Him, fear will fade."

"Humility is a synonym for honesty. When we are honest, we realize we don't have all the answers." -Jerry Root

[Stillness in which we find God] is a deliberate and quiet attentiveness--receptive, alert, ready." -Elisabeth Elliot

"Wherever you are, be all there. Live to the hilt every situation you believe to be the will of God." -Jim Elliot

I am confidently trusting God to provide a buyer for our house or the grace to live in it again. I am confidently trusting God to provide for us financially today.  I am confidently trusting God to place our boys in a school best for them for the upcoming year. The reality is that I don't have enough energy to entertain the unknowns/worries of the future today and still deal with today's circumstances. He provides for me today. He is in today. I long to desire His presence today. I want to love Him more today than yesterday. Is that truly measurable in my life? Confession has become a close companion as I move closer to walking in His Spirit intentionally and fully every moment today.

Natural solitude

On Wednesday morning in the women's Bible study I attend, our leader taught on prayer. It was convicting and timely for where God has me in this journey towards Him and Him alone. Using the excerpts from the book Sacred Pathways, we evaluated our worship style ... answering the question, "What causes me to worship God the most?" This was pretty significant for me to learn about myself since I don't adore music which is often the driving force that the church chooses in order to worship corporately. I sometimes feel lost in the noise, but now I know why. I am a naturalist, and I crave solitude. As I recognized these two top elements of "my" devotional worship style, it fits my experience. As a pastor's wife and achiever by nature, I look around at the people in the room during the service and get distracted by the needs, the journeys, the ways that God has worked and may still work in others' lives. I then find myself making a mental list of who to pray more for that week or who to call or who to send an note to or who to reach out to after the service is over. While all that is noble and truly causes me to worship God's hand in the lives of those around me, it really doesn't focus my attention on Him completely and truly adore Him for His character. Or, when I sit in a corner of my bedroom without interruption, I get easily sidetracked by what could interrupt me (i.e. the movie ends, the baby wakes, the dresser just has to be dusted, I should write that note to the person I'm praying for, etc.). You see how it goes. I don't think this is unique to me. I think we all feel the pull to do something other than worship God when we've carved out time to do it. Feel free to interject ... if you'd like.

Anyway, yesterday, I had the opportunity to be in nature alone. It was beautiful. I took full advantage of the opportunity like it was the highest priority on my days' agenda. A friend told me about a pond/lake tucked between trees and genuine silence just five minutes from home. How is that possible? Because that's Little Rock. Big smile. This city has more green space than I'm accustomed to and what a pleasure it is. And, I sat on a bench. With snacks. Wrapped in a blanket. With my journal. With my Bible. But most importantly with God. Because that's when I feel His presence the most ... in His creation all by myself. No distractions. No looking around at what needs to be done. No voices other than mine talking to Him. This will become a habit. I need Him. Like that.

Lovin' God's work on my heart

Perhaps this passage from Jesus Calling will speak to someone else as deliberately as it did to me ...

"I AM WITH YOU AND FOR YOU. You face nothing alone--nothing! When you feel anxious, know that you are focusing on the visible world and leaving Me out of the picture. The remedy is simple: Fix your eyes not on what is seen but on what is unseen. Verbalize your trust in Me, the Living One who sees you always. I will get you safely through this day and all your days. But you can find Me only in the present. Each day is a precious gift from My Father. How ridiculous to grasp for future gifts when today's is set before you! Receive today's gift gratefully, unwrapping it tenderly and delving into its depths. As you savor this gift, you find Me. (Romans 8:31; 2 Corinthians 4:18; Genesis 16:13-14)"

From the outside observer on my life circumstances, there is much to be anxious about. Where will our boys go to school in the fall? Where will we live? Will we sell our house in Algiers? Will we raise the money necessary to live? Will Rocket and Big Jet (our vehicles) hold out for a couple more years? Will our marriage be stronger through all of the transition? Will our boys adjust well to returning to NOLA and saying goodbye to friends again? Will we get caught in the busyness of doing and miss His presence? Oh, there's many more ... but He is trustworthy. He's proven that personally to me. It is ridiculous (referring to above) to this logical thinker to "grasp for future gifts when today's is set before me". I'm very grateful for this place ... this day ... on the journey to knowing Him and loving Him more. Are you treasuring THIS very day? Or are you reaching for what is to come? Don't miss Him. He's in today.

My experiment and observations

For the past week, I've been journaling in the morning (then posting here) the several things I'm grateful for and then the burdens I'm feeling that day.

Gratefulness is a learned art. It can be modeled. It can be observed. It has to be intentional and learned. One of the huge ways I've coped/grown through the experiences with Katrina and Hannah is to intentionally look for God's goodness in the details in the midst of tragedy. For me, thinking AND recording several things at the beginning of my day motivates me to maintain that same mind throughout the mundane and exciting parts of my day. I'm looking forward to seeing how this affects our boys' attitude as I share with them my gratitude when an opportunity arises (and more than just teaching good manners).

This world is hurting. People are messed up. I'm messed up. Sin is all around. Without Jesus, we have no hope. God has created me to feel deeply for the needs of others and the desire to encourage others (especially women) to seek Him more. However, I can often become too busy with all the hurt that I stop being with Him myself. As I have identified the biggest "people burdens" in my prayer backpack daily and jotted them in my journal, I have felt those burdens lifted. For me, journaling those needs gives me the freedom to truly leave them in His hands and be challenged to trust God with them again and again as they come back to mind.

So, I'm not stopping ... this is the way I enter His presence in the morning to start my day, but I won't be posting them every day here. I needed to simply have the "accountability" of my friends watching for a little while to recognize the benefits of this simple exercise. Hope you don't mind peeking in on my real journal this week. Maybe it could help you. I know that this week I've been more mindful of God's power, love and trustworthiness as I've seen on paper what I enjoy because of His love for me and the peace that can come from truly trusting Him with the needs of those around me. I've found myself doing less reacting and more resting ... in Him.

Just another part of my journey .... I want to learn to love Him more and see evidence of that growth every day. How do you do that without gratitude and peace? Feel free to comment.

1-16-10

Today I'm grateful for ...

1. the internet (to connect, to grow, to study, to inform, to encourage, to inspire, to be inspired, to learn)
2. the evidence of emotional growth in Zach since the fall
3. the ministry of being a mom
4. the beauty and privilege of marriage

Today I'm praying for ...

1. cousins and family who are anticipating his return from Iraq around Feb 12.
2. key leaders in transition
3. older friend and wife who's moved away
4. gentleman in the care of another church to be restored
5. friends in the middle of major stuff

1-13-10

Today, I'm grateful for ...

1. women's Bible study starting again this morning
2. community group that meets weekly and incredible hosts who make dinner for us every week
3. the privilege to pray for my husband
4. our school carpool friends (who are more than just carpool friends)
5. those serving our country ... and all others who sacrifice their loved ones to do it

Today, I'm praying for ...

1. our church planting team (wisdom, direction, humility)
2. a man desiring to hear from God about big decisions
3. my sons' teachers
4. my cousin and family reunited tomorrow after he has been in Iraq
5. my brothers and families ... strong marriages, raising young knights and one little princess

1-12-10

Today I'm grateful for ...

1. good health for our family right now and especially through the holidays
2. warmth
3. resident families to share this season in LR
4. financial needs met while carrying mortgage and rent at the same time
5. many miles logged on "Rocket" over the holidays ... complete safety and protection

Today I'm praying for ...

1. a young couple preparing for marriage
2. the few that have already committed to helping us plant in Gentilly
3. sale of our home in Algiers
4. our parents (good health, strong marriages, continued impact)
5. two families in anticipated transition and much waiting
6. acceptance into the right school for Sam and Zach next year

Jesus Calling

Hoping to blog more in the new year. Many of you have encouraged me to do more. I know that my readership still stands in the midst of silence in the comments. I'm okay with that. Seriously. This is about mutual encouragement as we journey on earth ... I'm encouraged already. Thanks for reading. Happy 2010 ... five years of blogging ... at my pace.

Yesterday, we were challenged to find time in the morning to hear from Him. Already a desire of my heart and a need for survival in the crazyness of this season. I need to need Him. My mentor here gave the resident wives (I'm one of 5) a book for Christmas. I love it. If you need to hear from Him ... get this book and learn to be still. Every year, I challenge myself to add a new discipline. Lately, I've disciplined myself to floss nearly every day and be conscious of what I put in my mouth. This year's desire is to sit quietly, learn to be still daily, breathe, rest. You get the idea. I thrill at multi-tasking and staying busy, but too often I crash after a running-on-adrenaline kind of week. Creating a portion of every day that is quiet, still, and purposeful of rest is my desire. I believe it's God's desire for me.

I couldn't help but smile when I read last night's entry after writing yesterday's post. Here's the excerpt from Jesus Calling by Sarah Young, Thomas Nelson, 2004.

Every time you affirm your trust in Me, you put a coin into My treasury. Thus you build up equity in preparation for days of trouble. I keep safely in My heart all trust invested in Me, with interest compounded continuously. The more you trust Me, the more I empower you to do so.

Practice trusting Me during quiet days, when nothing much seems to be happening. Then when storms come, your trust balance will be sufficient to see you through. Store up for yourself treasure in heaven, through placing your trust in Me. This practice will keep you in My Peace. (Psalm 56:3-4; Matthew 6:20-21)

Simply fabulous.

Today, I'm grateful for ...

1. two boys well-adjusted to the routine of school (just ushered off to school with happy faces)
2. amazingly dedicated runner of a husband (running 7 miles right now in 27 degrees)
3. this time (Eli sleeping a bit late for me to have stillness this morning)
4. yesterday - what an impromptu lovely celebration of a life
5. the adventure of this place in life - able to see God's provision and plan for our family in clear ways (so many things to depend on Him for)

Today, I'm praying for ...

1. our relationship with a couple new to Him
2. sale of our home in Algiers
3. young friend in the midst of crazy symptoms and few answers
4. new NOLA residents adjusting
5. peace in the midst of the chaos and the process of learning to rest

Remembering and living

Poptarts and blueberry muffins.

Coffee with the hubs.

A look at the calendar. Remembering.

Rushing out the door.

Walking into church.

Worship. Remembering.

Grace.

Shock.

Confusion.

Faith.

Loss.

Pain.

Cleansing tears.

More healing.

More grace.

More faith.

Surreal. Remembering.

Rest in the shelter of Your love.

Rest in the wonder of Your grace.

Rest in the wonder of You.

God speaking.

Take a Deep Breath.

Lie Down.

Drink In.

Sit Up.

Move On.

God speaking.

Quick easy lunch at home.

Rush off to movie.

Princess and the Frog.

Theater all to ourselves.

New Orleans. Princesses. Remembering.

Reconnection with dear friends.

Dreams. Adjustments. Old and new.

Corky's BBQ.

Bedtime cuddles.

Chuck returns.

Betty Crocker Warm Delights and chamomile tea.

Hanging with Doug.

Fantastic. Humbling. In awe of Him.

Thank you, Father, for knowing the best for me, my husband, and all my children. I trust You. Again.