Early morning reflection

I woke up earlier than normal this morning and the house is quiet. As I lay in the silence and solitude, I watched the sun fill the dark places in the room and I can't help but praise God. He is in the quiet. He has been filling the dark places inside me with His light. And while difficult, I have never felt so blessed to call Him my Father.

Earlier this week, I attended a women's retreat for wives of men in ministry. One morning, I sat on the ground near the lake's shore and literally basked in the sun, listening to the sounds of nature and community around me. "Jesus is the light," kept returning to my mind from a sermon series around the holidays. That morning, I felt His presence in the bright light of the sun. I felt His whispers as the cool breeze blew through me. I was comfortable feeling not too cold nor too hot. He knew the temperature I could handle. I looked behind me and saw the shadows of the trees falling within inches of where I was sitting. I realized that if I was sitting in the shadows my body wouldn't feel as content. I wouldn't be able to fully enjoy this moment in His creation. Then it hit me. How often do I sit in the shadows of His presence? I'm close enough to enjoy what He's doing, observe it in others and even reach my hand into it frequently ... yet I miss the warmth and contentment that only He can provide as I enter completely into His presence for myself. Just me. Not for what I can gain to minister or encourage others. But, solely to enjoy the unconditional love He has for ME. He died for ME. He lives for ME. He wants a relationship with ME. Not because of how He can use me for the work in His kingdom, but because He literally wants a relationship with ME. No strings attached.

My life has been nurtured and led to serve others. Look at my family of origin. The service. The work ethic. The examples of family units making radical choices to serve God with everything. Fast forward to 2005, I'm a New Orleanian as Katrina hits. I experience my own losses yet in comparison to those around me, mine are minor and small. I immediately feel and see the needs of others strongly. I hurt for them. I serve them. I love them ... in the way I know how. Somewhere along the way, I stuff my stuff and rarely take the time to enjoy/feel/experience God's amazing love for ME. He loves ME. When my natural tendency is to overlook myself in efforts to love those around me, I have been gently forced to enjoy His love just for ME this year. Not because I'm Doug's wife. Not because I've been entrusted with three boys to mother. Not because I'm a Moyer. Not because my life may be a model for others. But because He loves ME. Just ME. That's it.

All of a sudden, I realize that while I've been singing "Jesus loves me, this I know" all my life, with many other children, and with my boys, I'm not certain that I really do. I can sing it. I can say it. I can even believe it. I can assure others of it, yet I may be only now truly enjoying and embracing it ... just for me. I want to sit in the light of His personal love forever.

When I enjoy His love, I am confident of His presence.
When I'm confident of His presence, I'm confident of His plan.
When I am confident of His plan, I can trust Him with today.
When I can trust Him for today, I can trust Him for my future.
He loves ME. How can I be fearful?
All I can muster is gratefulness.