Meekness in the midst of the misery

Sometimes it's fun to be alliterated -- I'm not sure why pastors think it's so cool and overuse it (I never can remember all the points when they start with the same letter), but I like it when it fits. Meekness in the midst of misery -- my desire as I move forward with the settling in of our loss.

Unlikely comfort from an unlikely source -- Zach loves to pull the books off my shelf and here's one that he pulled off last Thursday and left lying in the bathroom for me to find. ;) I picked up this book by Kay Arthur, As Silver Refined: Learning to Embrace Life's Disappointments, at a thrift store in Birmingham probably 10 years ago. I couldn't relate to much of its content then, but last week as I was struggling to simply articulate my own thoughts, feelings, and truth -- I was drawn to it. The first chapter discusses the Refiner's fire and God's desire to transform us into treasure. I could relate to feeling broken, malleable, tender, soft, ready for the impurities in my life to be found, exposed, and released. For the first time in far too long, I am drawn to Scripture as my true source of comfort. In the midst of this tenderness and brokenness, I don't want to forget what the pain feels like -- to look to God for strength and comfort because there's nothing else that makes sense. Our present pain seems so abbreviated compared to others in true pain and have been for what seems like too long already with no clue as to when it will subside. I don't want to forget because I want to be able to minister effectively with true compassion.

These verses have encouraged me ...
In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith--of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire--may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. -- I Peter 1:6-7

His sovereignty rules over all. -- Psalm 103:19

They may not be the typical comfort verses that are normally used to encourage a believer in the middle of crisis, but knowledge and faith in the character of God has been my only comfort. Until you've been tried, you just never know how you're going to respond. Many have encouraged me with their assurance of my strength to respond to this situation the way I have. Doug says that he married me because "I always put my best foot forward." This is true. What you read here comes after so much reflection and introspection that what you may see in the process would be something completely different. I definiely don't feel like some kind of spiritual giant in action -- it's got to be simply a testimony to God's character and I just get to be a vessel for some reason, which is absolutely humbling and mind-boggling. I'm still amazed at even the smallest ways that He chooses to use me for His work. He truly does give us the grace to handle the circumstances we're placed in ... and it's not more than we can handle, like He promises.

So, here's a section of Arthur's book that encouraged me in the midst of the pain of last week:
Meekness is humble submission to God's sovereign will, yet it still knows to resist the devil--but only after submitting to God. If you're going to respond to this inescapable pain in meekness, w/o murmuring or disputing, if you're going to act and not react, if you're going to trust God and not try to control or manipulate, then you have to know two things.
1. You have to realize that God is in control, that He is sovereign.
2. You have to understand who He is. You have to know God's heart, His character, and His attributes.

In the two weeks of anticipating the unknown and the inevitable, Doug and I kept reminding each other -- God is sovereign. There's no need to worry. It's out of our hands. God can handle this. This is why we felt so much peace in the midst of the storm. We really thought we were in for a much longer "waiting room" experience. Now, if we could just transfer those thoughts to the daily stresses/pains that we seemingly have more control of.

Psalm 56:9-11 says, This I know, that God is for me....in the Lord, whose word I praise, in God I have put my trust, I shall not be afraid. I want David's words to be true of me.