Holiday reflections

The holidays were truly different this year. It was a delight to watch the boys really understand so much about what Christmas is all about. And being that we didn't travel to my family this year, the actual days of Christmas itself (eve and day) were quiet, meaningful, and mostly just the four of us. As much as we love being with extended family, it was a treat to enjoy our own Christmas this year with the boys at such fun ages. (I wonder if we'll say that every year.)

As to be expected, some heartache filled my mind often during these days too. I couldn't help but let the floodwaters open on Christmas Eve as I longed to be holding our wee daughter and enjoying her first Christmas yet I found myself feeling big and very pregnant. It didn't help that Doug and I watched a chick flick that night that included a birth of a little girl. Oh, well, I needed the cry. And, of course, we couldn't visit my family because we had made a trip in June for a family reunion ... and if Hannah had arrived healthy and on time, we would have had to skip that entirely and would have potentially been there for Christmas this year. To top it off, it was the day after Christmas '06 when we learned that our unborn girl was not going to live to be a part of our family here. So, as much delight as I enjoyed with our family of four this year, my mind was reliving the memory of last year and grieving a little more.

Being with my family for Christmas this year would have been so much more fun that it was two years ago ('05). The boys were both virtually babies (barely 2 and 7 months), hardly recognized the myriads of familiar faces, let alone would actually remember anything from our visit. Besides all that, Doug and I needed to be away from NOLA after the events of Katrina and felt like we didn't have much to give after all we had experienced that fall. Other than that, the rest is foggy in my brain. The only feeling I remember is exhaustion.

Now, it will be another two years before a "Moyer Christmas". One of the cool things about this year .... that helped me keep my sanity... is that we purchased a webcam for my parents and with the help of a brother-in-law had it installed on their home computer before the out-of-town guests arrived at Mom and Dad's. It was fun to talk with some of the crew that were in and out of 1324 during the time we would have been there. And, since we were home a lot, we were available to "be in the room" a couple times.

A fun memory from this year was our first Daspit celebration of Christmas in Eileen's new home. It happened the weekend after Christmas but nonetheless was an additional delight to this year. The boys loved Mimie's banana pancakes, and we all enjoyed making a new first Christmas memory in her new home. The last two Christmases have been celebrated at our house since Katrina took her home in '05. Sam was just a newborn in '03 and a baby in '04 so I'm certain that the grandkids' Christmas memories will only be of her new home. Of course, we missed Rob and Christina but we enjoyed a video chat with them so for an hour or so it felt like they were with us.