Fear crept in

At some point on Saturday night as I was struggling to fall asleep, my mind started whirling and I felt fear creep in ... irrational? rational? I'm not sure, yet it was real and heart-wrenching. You see, as I looked at this coming week, it reminded me so much of the first full week in January. Our trip-for-two to Seattle scheduled for the latter part with an ultrasound just days before we were to depart. You know how it turned out then. And, although everything we knew about baby #4 was radically different than Hannah (baby #3), I couldn't help myself wonder and believe in a teensy way that I was about to walk through that ugly week a second time. Could I handle it that news again? Or was I totally going to lose it? I thought about re-scheduling the ultrasound. Ignorance is bliss, right? Yet scheduling appointments in a timely way has been a concern, so that didn't seem like an option. After all, I'm supposed to live by faith, not fear. And fear would be my only motivation to avoid the appointment.

God is good. I ran into two older women at church the next morning who asked me the usual "how are you feeling?" I told them. It's funny how merely expressing my fear to others instantly helps me adjust my perspective and truly hear their words of encouragement and understanding. I love how God expresses His love for me through these type of special encounters with godly people, most often women for me. They assured me of their prayers and I knew that God would use the coming hours and days to build another layer of faith in me. These faith layers are just the foundation for what God is calling me and Doug to be in this time and in this place. I love to know what to expect in life, and frankly we just can't know right now (big and small things). And, I daily have to be okay with that. I'm thankful that God has given us so many experiences together to remind me that HE will take care of us and following HIM makes life more simple and refreshing.

To finish my story, one of those ladies called me on Tuesday morning to further remind me that she was praying for me. And, as always, give me some Scripture to ponder in whatever place I was emotionally. She found me completely distracted from what I had shared with her on Sunday ... Zach had involuntarily "spit" his breakfast all over the floor, and we had decided to stay home, and figure out what to do to help him feel better before we left town. It's amazing how God uses diversions to help maintain our focus. The passage she shared reminded me again of God's faithfulness to His people ... it seemed so appropriate for what I was experiencing this week. Isaiah 43:18-19 says, Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up: do you perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. My eyes were wet as she spoke these words over the phone. What an encouragement! And then, I realized that it just wasn't about babies and whether they're healthy or not. It's about life on this fallen planet. Thank God that He has made a way in the wilderness and is the refreshment in our present wasteland. My prayer is be consciously aware of the "new thing" He is doing in my life, our family, in our church community. Bring it on, Lord.