Fear and faith

This summer I'm doing a Bible study with some MOPS friends and we're using the NavPress book, entitled Searching for God in a Bottomless Purse. I'm been challenged in regards to faith, not salvation kind of faith but the "working out your salvation" kind of faith. Read here, then here. My husband says that I'm an observer and notice lots of things about other people, how they interact, what's important to them, what motivates them, etc. I've been continously stunned lately as I watch people make important decisions out of fear ... parents afraid of bad influence so they homeschool their children; homeowners afraid of hurricanes so they move to another part of the country, Christians are afraid of not having the right answers when explaining their faith, teenagers afraid to be different than their peers by choosing not to drink, anyone afraid of germs that they wash their hands a million times a day, leaders afraid of losing instead of looking at all that could be gained. I realize fear can be healthy. In fact, I'm afraid of my boys drowning while on my watch (since I don't know how to swim), so I don't take them swimming alone. But, fear can be crippling and force me to live in a controlled environment ... dictated by me and not orchestrated by God. Believe me, I'm scared of a lot of things and some are more on the surface while others run deep. However, I long to always choose to take the risk that God wants me to whenever we're making choices that we seem to have some control over (where we live, what we do vocationally, our kids' education, the size of our family, our financial status, how we parent, etc.).

Of course, much of this mental interaction has come to the forefront as Hannah's original due date looms in front of me...June 26. After having two normal pregnancies and relatively easy births resulting in healthy children, my fear of losing a child or having an unhealthy one had diminished. Ya know, 2 for 2 is a pretty good track record. Now, having lost a little one prematurely, fear can easily creep in and overcome. Suddenly, the factual odds aren't overwhelmingly in our favor. And in the aftermath of her death as my grieving emotions and hormones seemed tumultuous, I've wondered if I could truly handle more children as a mom. Maybe I've reached my emotional limit or my limit of patience. What God has increasingly reminded me is that our future is unknown, well, at least the one here on earth. He has been so faithful to give me exactly what I needed to cope, survive, and even grow from the circumstances that have come our way. How can I not risk over and over again, knowing that He will provide what I need? He is trustworthy. If I truly allow Him to use me as a vessel, then the sky's the limit. God, forgive my unbelief. I am yours.