The picture becomes clearer

A friend recently reminded us, Once we become parents, our hearts are forever vulnerable. Indeed, this is true.

Doug and I met with my OB this morning and talked in his office for awhile -- it felt good to get some of our simplest questions answered. As of this morning, our situation is as it was. Dr. Sargent was clear and to the point that the symptoms found in our baby on the ultrasound are not consistent with life. More than one obstacle is facing our little one with little hope for life outside of the womb. He explained that amniocentesis would confirm what they already knew from the ultrasound, but the results would not change anything (future care/treatment) unless we chose to terminate the pregnancy. Since that's not our desire, it seems there's no point in having amnio. Subsequent ultrasounds will help them see the organs more clearly as the baby grows which will indeed confirm the symptoms already discovered. The baby's heartbeat was in the normal range when he checked today, but it is normal for it to fluctuate. He assured me to be prepared to come to his office and not find the heartbeat in a week or two or a month or several, which would result in inducing labor for me to deliver. For now, we wait until the next part of our grief moves us forward. We'll have another ultrasound next week.

Peace. Many have been praying for us to have it...and I think we really do have many peaceful moments to our days-a sure testimony that God is with us. Yes, it's all painful but peace in the midst of the pain is only the result of His strength to trust Him. It's not for us to question His desires and plan. It's not for us to expect or demand a miracle. Even though it doesn't completely make sense to us or will it ever, it is for us to walk in His peace knowing that simply there's nowhere else that's safe to walk.